How do I become me?

I’ve been thinking a lot about personal style lately. Or more accurately, I’ve spent a good portion of my life thinking about clothes.

This takes me back to being five years old, on my way to Zara with my mom. Just before we reached our destination, and I could glimpse the shiny store front in the horizon, I threw up in a trash can. My mom tried to convince me to go back home, but my mind was made up, like hell if I was gonna miss the kids section at Zara. Or that one time in Florence where my little sister had bought a bright orange coat on sale at, you guessed it, Zara kids, and after leaving the store I regretted buying it so bad I had my dad run all the way across town to get it for me. Who knows, maybe I would still be thinking about it to this day if he hadn’t bought it for me. Looking back, I guess it all really started at the Zara kids section.

And here I am today, somewhere between that neon orange coat I couldn’t live without and a closet full of coats I’m wondering if feels like me.

Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself.

and how a piece of fabric can leave me feeling out of touch with who I am.

I think at least I’ve been brainwashed into thinking I need a capsule wardrobe, and that has left me thinking about my closet as a project that are missing certain bricks. And not something that is supposed to be fun, and bring me joy. Somewhere along the way in between quiet luxury and the capsule wardrobe, I lost the childlike joy of getting dressed - thinking I need this and that for my wardrobe to feel complete.

clothes has been labeled superficial, something that shouldnt be that important, and despite it being a million dollar business, one should not care that much about it.

Thinking that my style is hidden somewhere in a messy store, If i just search hard enough I will find it, or if I scroll a bit more on vinted, maybe I will be like, oohhh there it is.